In Indian tradition, the confinement period (huwawar) is a time when the mother returns to her parents’ home in order to rest, heal and bond with her baby. Family women will help the mother adapt to her new role, prepare special meals for her and assist her when it comes to the needs of the baby. There is a list of foods that she can eat and those that she should stay away from; as well as traditionally prepared foods and drinks that promote healing and milk production. Without any household chores or cooking to do, the mother is free to rest well and care for her newborn.
Huwawar is a beautiful tradition! Newborns are hard work, recovering from childbirth can be a painful process and when you have other kids to see to, it can be rather overwhelming! I am so fortunate to have the help of my parents, siblings and other family members. Some times it feels like you are sitting the entire day just feeding; so it’s a huge help to have others see to your elder kids, bring you a meal or hold the baby while you catch up on some sleep.
Looking back, despite all the help around me, my first huwawar was quite horrific. There I was, with painful stitches and engorged breasts, looking at my screaming child and wondering what to do with her, all while the lack of sleep hit me like a ton of bricks! I definitely had a bit of baby blues and it took me a while to bond with my new baby. Second time around, I wasn’t as anxious as I knew what to expect. That time though, I had Madam M to give attention to and to deal with her (natural) jealousy and irrational behaviour. Then the colic started – Little S used to cry and cry and cry every evening continuously for two hours. It was mentally exhausting and something I definitely can’t forget! Third time now and I am much calmer and not panicking over every small thing. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have any difficult moments that overwhelm me. The first few nights when Baby Z refused to sleep, it was both of us who were crying at 3am in the morning! The pain of mastitis had me curled up in a ball one afternoon, sobbing my heart out. Also, I have two other kids to give my attention to, so there’s really not much time to rest. With Covid around, it’s a scary time to bring a newborn into the world, although the lack of visitors makes for a more peaceful huwawar!
I think that no matter what number baby it is, the first few weeks are the most challenging. There is a newborn to see to, your own body to take care of, hormones all over the place and a lack of sleep that can really drain you. The first few moments of motherhood are just downright difficult! When you are rocking your wide-eyed baby in the wee hours of the morning, desperately wishing for some sleep – motherhood can feel so lonely. When everyone else is enjoying their afternoon tea while you are hanging over the bathroom sink, tenderly massaging your engorged breasts- motherhood can feel really painful. When you are frantically soothing your howling baby who just won’t stop crying – motherhood can make you feel most vulnerable.
But those first moments of motherhood can also be so beautiful. Your baby’s first cry after birth, her first smile, that sweet scent that only babies seem to have. Watching your elder kids bond with your newborn is so special. Listening to your husband coo and sing for her will make your heart explode. And as you cuddle her close, marveling at her tiny features, you can’t help but feel so blessed. So grateful. So content. So fortunate that Allah Ta’ala has gifted you with this little miracle of life!
To all the new Moms and old Moms and Moms-to-be…you got this! You are amazing and wonderful; keep going, you are doing great. Allah has chosen this child for you and chosen you for this child. How can we ever doubt such a perfect match?!
Mummy Muslimah 